If I'm honest

If I'm honest, I would have never have chosen half of you as friends.  Some are self centred, wishing to be someone they're not.  Some are always sending mexed messages; one minute they're fine, the next they're having the world's biggest sulks.  Some are just liars, which can be seen from a mile off.  Basically, I wish I didn't know you.  I hate liars with a passion, yet some people seem to just do it subconsciously, without being able to see how much it hurts.  Well, if I'm honest, your lies are beginning to take their toll.  I don't think I can take it anymore.  And another one of you, always sending me mixed messages.  One minute we will be having a good conversation, the next you're with the 'others' and you're a completely different persom.  I become invisible, and you act as if I'm not there.  I don't think I can call you a friend anymore, because I don't feel I can confide in you about anything.  You have changed, and it isn't for the better.  I wish I was more confident, and able to stand up to you, but again, I can't. 

And as for my parents... the sooner I move out, the better.  I seriously can't cope anymore.  I think I need help, but I don't know who from, or how.  All I want is a shoulder to cry on, and a person to love me for who I am.  And by that I mean love, not when people say oh, but I love you.  What does that mean? It means that when they're nice, it's great, but as soon as the mood changes it's like everyone just says; 'who's Zoe?'

This is so true right now

Mark? Why? I don't know :'(

How can I? It would lead to public humiliation :'(

Few days

In case you hadn't guessed, over the past few days Ihave posted a number of pictures.  I have done this for a reason.  It is to put across all of my true feelings.  As many know, I don't do words.  So this way I can describe everything in so much more detail.  I hope you all understand that although most of this is aimed at people, I am not revealing names unless asked, as I don't feel it right to name people on a public site.

This one reminds me of several people...

Numbers:
                  1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 10
All so true for that one person.  Not that anyome would truly know because it is all seen as a joke :'(

Why am I feeling like this?

What I am feeling is so wrong right now.  I am only 16, but I still feel this way.  I see them everywhere, and can't help thinking what life for me would be like if I had one.  I see people carrying them inside, and think to myself, that could be me.  But I know that it's wrong, and I shouldn't even be thinking about it at this age.  Although, I feel ready, and I have felt that way for a long time.  It's not good, but I can't help it.  Ohhhh I'm such a muddle :(

I think I can now safely say that I hate you.  You have ruined me, and you don't care.  I stick up for myself, but you tell me not to be so childish.  I tell you you're wrong, and you tell me to respect you or there will be consequences.  So when I decide to be quiet, you repeat the statement again and again until I shout.  You don't care when I achieve anything, it's a well done 'now where can I pick an argument with you'?  Believe it or not, I get tired of being put down all the time. It is affecting me all the time now, even with the people I really love; even more than you, and more than they know.  Although that's not hard really.  I actually feel nothing for you.  I have tried to love you, or even just like you, but I can't.  Something is stopping me, and I'm glad about that.  I'm becoming more and more sensitive to situations, and more and more I've wanted a knife to end it.  Life would be so much better then.  You wouldn't have to hate me, and I wouldn't have to site here and die on the inside.  Instead, you can focus on your golden boy.  That's all you do anyway.  RIght in front of me you give him money, and say 'well you're not getting any, you don't need it'.  Hello? I go to college in a few months! Not that you'd care though because I'm not the important one.  Nor my OCD.  The fact that I can't actually control it.  But that doesn't matter, because you don't see that.  All you see is a pathetic, fat, lonely lie that doesn't deserve anythign more than being constantly shouted at.  Well. I have made my decision.  You are not having anythign to do with me when I move out.  YOu're just like your parents.  Don't give 2 shits about the eldest child, because the eldest one is so precious.  So, don't expect to be invited to any weddings, or to see any grandchildren you may have.  You don't deserve to.  Just you keep putting on a show so that you can fool everyone.  Well, I know its a fake, and I'll now be dead before my time, all down to you.  I hope you're bloody happy.

My Boy xx

This is Zeus...
He understands everything about me, or so I like to think.
We have such a strong bond, its unbreakable
You have such a calm and dosile character, no-one would believe you were once dangerous
I love your kisses I get everytime you see me and come over to the fence to give me one
You stand patiently while I fuss over you, and sometimes even try to help by taking the brushes!
You just stand there while I sit on you, no saddle, no bridle


3 words, 1 meaning... I Love You <3

What am I?

I feel like in the last few months, I have changed so much; and not all in a good way.  I have successfully lost some weight, which was good, but it wasn't enough.  I have also found my true friends, and realised how much they mean to me.  And that there are people I would have never thought I could talk to, that I have opened up to,and told everything. 

Right now, I'm feeling pretty alone though; exams coming up, revision to do, prom, leavers assembly, college... ARGH! :S I'm so nervous, and my mind is all over the place!