How much it hurts

No-one knows how much it hirts to be the black sheep in every circle of friends they have.  Always the fat one, the last one to be picked, too shy, too ugly.  I wish beyond my heart of heart that so many things would change. 

Firstly.. and most importantly... my goal weight... My goal weight would be 7.5 stone.  I know my parents would know something was wrong if I reached that weight, so 8 stone is a beter bet.  I just want to be slim, able to do things, be who i wasnt without people looking as if to say 'Fuck, she's big'.

If I'm honest

If I'm honest, I would have never have chosen half of you as friends.  Some are self centred, wishing to be someone they're not.  Some are always sending mexed messages; one minute they're fine, the next they're having the world's biggest sulks.  Some are just liars, which can be seen from a mile off.  Basically, I wish I didn't know you.  I hate liars with a passion, yet some people seem to just do it subconsciously, without being able to see how much it hurts.  Well, if I'm honest, your lies are beginning to take their toll.  I don't think I can take it anymore.  And another one of you, always sending me mixed messages.  One minute we will be having a good conversation, the next you're with the 'others' and you're a completely different persom.  I become invisible, and you act as if I'm not there.  I don't think I can call you a friend anymore, because I don't feel I can confide in you about anything.  You have changed, and it isn't for the better.  I wish I was more confident, and able to stand up to you, but again, I can't. 

And as for my parents... the sooner I move out, the better.  I seriously can't cope anymore.  I think I need help, but I don't know who from, or how.  All I want is a shoulder to cry on, and a person to love me for who I am.  And by that I mean love, not when people say oh, but I love you.  What does that mean? It means that when they're nice, it's great, but as soon as the mood changes it's like everyone just says; 'who's Zoe?'

This is so true right now